How to Catch and Challenge Negative Self-Beliefs: A Guide for Neurodivergent Minds

If you identify as neurodivergent, you have likely received thousands more negative messages about yourself than many neurotypical people. Whether it’s being misunderstood, feeling different in social settings, struggling with sensory challenges, or having to mask your true self to “fit in,” these experiences create a heavy background of criticism and self-doubt. This means automatic negative beliefs like “I’m bad” or “I messed up” can feel even louder and more persistent.

That said, everyone—regardless of neurotype—experiences these self-critical thoughts at times. The good news is that by learning how to catch and challenge these thoughts, you can build greater self-compassion and resilience. This is especially relevant for neurodivergent folks because our brains have been conditioned by so many more moments of feeling “wrong” or “not enough.”

Step 1: Catch the Thought Early

These negative beliefs often come with a physical sensation, maybe a sinking feeling in your chest or tightness in your stomach. When you notice yourself replaying a moment from earlier, that is your cue to pause. For example, you might catch yourself thinking, “I really messed up that conversation,” accompanied by a groan or sigh.

Psychologist David Burns, author of Feeling Good, calls these “automatic thoughts.” Catching them early is key to stopping the downward spiral (Burns 1999).

Step 2: Interrupt and Notice When They Happen

Have you noticed when these thoughts tend to show up most for you? For many people, it is in the evenings when medication wears off or during moments of fatigue, hunger, or hormonal changes. Paying attention to these patterns can help you realize the thoughts may be less about reality and more about your body’s current needs.

Research in cognitive behavioral therapy emphasizes how physical states can influence thought patterns (Beck 2011). Recognizing this can take the power away from negative beliefs.

Step 3: Remind Yourself of a Balanced Perspective

When those thoughts arise, gently ask yourself if you really felt that bad about it at the moment. Would you be as harsh on yourself if you were in a different phase of your cycle or feeling more rested? This helps separate your current feelings from an objective view of the event.

Step 4: Reframe the Thought by Asking What Else It Could Mean

Instead of automatically concluding “I am flawed” or “I am a failure,” ask yourself, “What else could this mean?” Maybe you were tired, worried about someone else, or simply trying your best in a tough moment.

Tara Brach, a clinical psychologist and meditation teacher, says, “When we hold our difficult experiences with curiosity and compassion, we can loosen the grip of self-judgment” (Brach 2012).

Step 5: Check In With Your Needs

Sometimes these thoughts signal unmet needs rather than real personal failings. Ask yourself, “Do I need a hug or connection? Would a nap or some quiet time help? Am I hungry or physically tired?” Addressing those needs can soothe the emotional discomfort that fuels negative self-talk.

Step 6: Attach a Different Meaning to the Physical Sensation

Can you try changing the meaning you give to that sinking feeling? Instead of thinking it means “I am a screw-up,” try thinking it means you care deeply and are trying to show up authentically.

You might say to yourself, “I really cared about how I showed up today” or “This feeling means I want to grow and do better, not that I am broken.”

Why This Matters

Our brains are wired to focus on threats and errors. This helped us survive in the past but today it often shows up as harsh self-criticism (Siegel 2012). Learning to catch, interrupt, and reframe these thoughts is a powerful step toward emotional resilience and self-compassion.

For neurodivergent individuals especially, this practice is vital. The extra weight of negative messaging over a lifetime can make these beliefs feel like facts rather than passing thoughts. Practicing kindness toward yourself can help undo years of conditioned self-judgment.

Next time you catch yourself thinking “I am bad” or “I did something wrong,” pause and breathe. Remind yourself it is just a thought, not a fact. With practice, you can create space for kindness instead of judgment.

References

• Beck, J. S. (2011). Cognitive Behavior Therapy: Basics and Beyond (2nd ed.). Guilford Press.

• Brach, T. (2012). Radical Acceptance: Embracing Your Life With the Heart of a Buddha. Bantam.

• Burns, D. D. (1999). Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy. Harper.

• Siegel, D. J. (2012). The Developing Mind: How Relationships and the Brain Interact to Shape Who We Are. Guilford Press.